- Noah Cracknell
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- Device Abstinence
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It's May 14th, 2022. I'm in Valencia, Spain, and it's Joey Campbell's birthday.
After a much-needed nine hours of sleep, I woke up feeling a little less jet-lagged and ready to explore the city. In the bunk next to mine was my good friend Joey. He and I were traveling through Europe together, and Valencia was our rendezvous point. The first order of business was to give Joey a birthday card from his girlfriend, Ellie – I had packed the card in my backpack before leaving home. Luckily, the card didn't get ruined in my crammed bag after thousands of miles of travel. Joey was surprised and thankful. Mission accomplished.
After one round of the Bring Sally Up push-up challenge, a cafe con leche, and some fruit, Joey and I walked through a few crowded plazas and into Mercat Central València (Valencia's Central Market).
Valencia's Central Market
Later we met up with Joey's friend, Jack, and his girlfriend, Fernanda. Together, we headed to the beach – but not before Joey and I purchased two forty-ounce Amstel cervezas. We drank the beers in the metro station and on the subway, which must've been illegal – or at least frowned upon – based on the looks we were getting. Playa El Cabanyal was beautiful. The beach was full of people escaping the hot summer air into the cold Balearic Sea. We spent a few hours running in and out of the water, relaxing on the beach, and telling beach vendors that we didn't want what they were selling. The day was off to a great start.
Fast forward a few hours and a few beers, and by 10 pm we were sitting in an outdoor plaza lined with shops and restaurants. The city was buzzing. People were out in droves having beers or bottles of red wine and conversing with each other. There must've been one hundred fifty people in the plaza! This was when I had a freak realization: not one single person was on their phone. In disbelief, I began looking around for someone, anyone, with their head down in their device. But there was nobody. Everyone was deep in conversation, enjoying each other's company, and completely present.
Not having a device in your pocket, on your wrist, or within arm's reach is rare today. The next time you're out and about, look around. In America, you'll find people of all ages religiously checking their devices.
Since Joey's birthday night in Valencia, I've made an effort to avoid using my phone in social situations. And after a few months of practice, I've realized it's incredibly empowering – who would've thought? Not being tethered to your phone forces you to be present, overcome awkward moments of silence, and engage with whomever you're with.
"Before cell phones, when conversations paused, people used to wait in the silence. We would sit awkwardly instead of escaping into an app. Now, when friends go out to dinner, any break in conversation causes people to pull out their phones. We've become so accustomed to multitasking that we're losing connection with the real world we live in. We should use smartphones and love people, not love smartphones and use people."
I'm not claiming you need to lock your phone in a box every time you attend a social event or go on a date. It's probably a good idea to have it on you for navigation 🙄 and safety purposes. But there's a time to use technology and abstain from it. Device abstinence is the purposeful act of not using your device(s) to be more present, focused, and engaged. It is not about never using your phone; it's about not using it during times that require your full presence. It seems preposterous that such a thing would need a name, but with an increasingly digitized society, it's probably helpful nomenclature.
Here's the punchline: phones, tablets, and computers are supposed to improve our lives – and for the most part, they do – but if they become harmful distractions, damaging our physiology and degrading our life, then action needs to be taken. And sometimes, the best action is to abstain.
Device abstinence can be difficult at first; it requires forgoing the hyper-palatable activity of compulsively checking your phone. But it is incredibly worthwhile. The goal isn't to wait ‘til marriage to use your phone; it's to consciously abandon your device – for short periods of time – in pursuit of presence, contentment, and tranquility. How long must you suffer? Well, it's not so much about the duration but why you're doing it in the first place.
When I turn my phone off and attend a social gathering, I abstain from using my device to engage with the people I'm around. There's no amount of genuine social connection I'd sacrifice to check my Twitter feed or mindlessly scroll through Instagram. From that lens, I could go all day without my phone. But if you need a starting point, try not to use your phone for the first two hours after you wake up. It will be more challenging than you think, and you'll learn a thing or two about your digital habits.
For those willing to endure a little more discomfort, consider abstaining when you have nothing else to do. Turns out boredom is actually good for us.
"Traditionally, when we became bored we would go inward and mind wander. Mind-wandering is a rest state that restores and rebuilds the resources needed to work better and more efficiently any time we're focused on the outside world (from writing to coding, to having a conversation). It also allows us to introspect and develop creative ideas to improve our lives. Time in unfocused mode — rediscovering boredom — is critical to get shit done, tap into creativity, process complicated information, and more.
The way we dealt with boredom before we began surrounding ourselves in constant comfort delivered benefits that are essential for our brain health, productivity, personal sanity, and sense of meaning. We'd often use it to improve our situations (finding food, building better relationships, thinking [sic] of creative ways to improve our lives). But there's been a cosmic shift in boredom. The way we now deal with it is ‘like junk food for your mind.’"
Our devices are great for many things. But when they're used to escape from the "real world," things get ugly. Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, Twitter, Tik Tok, and YouTube are like Vegas slot machines, except instead of money, they feed off your attention and emotions. The lure of social media is enticing because it superficially satisfies your desire for connection. Yet, I am actually less social the more I'm on social media – ain't that funny? But let's not get too somber; there is hope.
As I witnessed in Valencia, you can abstain from your phone and engage with the world fully focused. It's not impossible. The critical determinant is how well you respond to discomfort. If you try to escape discomfort – by compulsively checking your phone – you'll teach yourself that the answer to your discomfort is fleeing from your emotions. Let me tell you that is not a great strategy. As someone who has internalized their feelings and not sought help, I can say first-hand that the ensuing mental warfare is not fun. However, if you address the discomfort with honesty, transparency, and action, you'll overcome it and find contentment waiting for you on the other side. And it’s okay to ask for help; it only took me 21 years to learn that.
Keep crushing.
Cheers,
Noah Cracknell
Here are three ways to make your phone a tool, not your life:
Turn off all notifications
Don't sleep with your phone
Periodically abstain from your device(s)
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