Tip Toeing Around Envy

My thoughts on a complex emotion.

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If you're human, there's a good chance you've felt envy.

Envy is a natural emotion we feel when we lack what someone else has. It motivates people to buy new cars and fancy houses and is usually at the root of our deepest insecurities.

Much like everyone else, I've dealt with envy all my life. I remember feeling envy towards the kids in elementary school that got Doritos in their lunches. And in middle school when my classmates had cooler shoes and nicer clothes than I did. It is a very natural feeling – especially in the digital era.

Today, I still battle with envy. Just this week, I was scrolling through Jack Raines' Twitter – a blogger I like – and felt envy creeping in as I compared the success of my blog to his. I can now catch myself comparing my life to someone else's, but it wasn't always that way.

Punchline: If you don't address envy, it will make you feel like shit.

As I observe my eight-year-old sister growing up in the most digitally connected society we've ever known, I think to myself, "do we have the tools, infrastructure, and support network to help children navigate a digital world?"

I don't think we do, and I don't think we're remotely close, either.

Children are growing up in an era where it is normal to spend hours on YouTube and Tik Tok, talk to their peers more online than in person and make YouTube channels instead of climbing trees. As a result, they're experiencing emotions like envy, jealousy, and discontent at heightened levels that parents, teachers, and counselors have never had to deal with.

Punchline: Unless kids are taught how to deal with these complex emotions, we are putting an entire generation of kids at a greater risk for anxiety, depression, and other mental health ailments.

I'm certainly not claiming to have all the answers. But I do know a thing or two about envy; it occurs when we compare ourselves to someone else.

"Comparison is the thief of all joy. The grass isn't greener on the other side; the grass is greener where you water it."

– Joshua Medcalf

With the advent of social platforms, comparison has never been easier. All it takes is opening up Instagram and seeing someone "living their best life" to let your subconscious mind start ruminating about how shitty your life is.

Punchline: Social platforms don't need to be abolished – they're actually the source of a lot of good in the world. But we do need to research and teach society how to wrestle with emotions that occur from digital technology. Our collective mental health depends on it.

The typical advice to avoid envy is to not compare yourself to others. But that hasn't worked very well thus far – we have tons of self-help gurus giving advice and still have record cases of dissatisfaction, depression, and anxiety. I know this is the case because I've been the self-help guru, and I wasn't well received, lol 😂

I've learned that you help people not by shouting advice but by giving them the space they need to express their vulnerabilities. That means taking a break from scrolling, looking each other in the eye, and making room for real social connection. And sadly, this skill isn't taught in classrooms.

Punchline: Obviously, some people have it more figured out than others. But everyone could benefit from a more nuanced discussion around digital health habits, emotions, and mental health.

Looking forward, I will be keeping my eye on this space. If a company could gamify teaching kids and adults about mental health and their emotions, they could hit the jackpot. Both from a mission and monetary perspective. Hell, maybe I'll start the company.

What are your thoughts about envy? Let me know on Twitter or email me at [email protected].

P.S. if you need someone to talk to, I'm happy to hop on the phone and talk about anything.

Keep crushing.

Cheers,

Noah Cracknell

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